'Ah Luv Yew!'

"Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh lllllllluuuuuuuuvvvvvvv yyyyyyeeeeeeeeeewwwwww!" announced the pudgy man to the crowd. Despite this declaration, the crowd did not respond in kind. Indeed, their reaction was almost the exact opposite as they vigorously booed the pudgy man with the bright white suit. He did not seem to notice that their reaction wasn't particularly friendly or perhaps he was just actively ignoring them. He beamed a wide smile at them with his round face that was heavily coated with red makeup. The makeup matched the red colour of his shirt. It was a very red shirt. This meant that his face glowed in a rather unhealthy looking sort of way. He just smiled and listened to the gentle sound of a church organ as it played, doing his best to pick that sound out from the sea of boos.

"Friends," he continued in a heavy Southern drawl that I'll no longer attempt to duplicate, "I love you. I have a great deal of love for all the creatures in this world. So I love to help any creatures who may be having a tough time. I have for you today a man who has lost his way in the world. Perhaps more importantly he has lost his way here in the World Wrestling Federation." His face curled into an expression of disdain. "My guest tonight is the man known as Smasher."

The crowd's boos instantly turned to cheers at the mere sound of their hero's name. The cheers grew louder as his music started to play and peaked when he emerged from behind the curtain at the rear of the little interview stage. Smasher wasn't the biggest of men nor was he the tallest but he had a presence that was undeniable. He wore a dark coloured t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. His face was obscured by a black mask with a red lightning bolt style pattern. A pretzel rod was clamped between his teeth like a cigar. Even with the pretzel where it was, he managed to grin at the crowd. He also decided to wave, an action they seemed to appreciate. Causally he made his way to the pudgy man, who looked quite displeased with Smasher in general. Smasher seemed unconcerned with this facial expression. "How's it goin' there Brudder Love?" When he spoke he did so with a low rumble. It was the sound of a voice that had been through a lot in its time.

"Let's not worry about that, what I wanna know is..."

Smasher gave him a look and removed the pretzel rod from his mouth. "Hey! I asked you a question like a gentleman here. How's it goin'?"

Brother Love gulped visibly. "I'm, I'm well."

"Glad to hear it." He returned the pretzel to his mouth.

"Now that that is settled, the reason I asked you here is..."

"Ain't you goin' ask me how I'm doin'? That would only be polite." Once again the pretzel left his mouth. He smiled cooly at Brother Love. "After all, you wouldn't want me to ferget me manners now, would ya?"

Brother Love quivered not unlike some sort of gelatin type dessert. "How have you been?"

Smasher smiled widely. "Sue-per-ba," he responded grandly. The crowd cheered in appreciation.

Brother Love tried to resume control. "Now that the pleasantries have been taken care of?" Smasher nodded slightly. "The reason I asked you here is to discuss why you've become such a coward!"

Smasher turned calmly, rolling the pretzel around in his mouth while he considered this. "Excuse me?" He laughed gently. "I know I ain't getting any younger here and my hearing may not be what it used to be, but I coulda sworn you called me a coward there."

"I did!" He did his best to remain defiant. "You've been ducking the challenge of Rhythm and Blues for weeks now. They have been out here over and over again challenging you and you refuse to accept. You sir are a coward!" Brother Love became so worked up that he forgot himself. He ended this declaration in Smasher's face, accidentally spitting on him.

Calmly Smasher wiped the spittle from his mask and face. "You seem to have fergotten that my tag team partner Cowboy Bill Watson has been injured and that dey will not let me rassle a tag team by meself." He smiled patiently and spoke calmly, as if to a child. "Did ya perhaps ferget that?"

"I have forgotten nothing! With all the friends you claim to have here in the World Wrestling Federation you can't find a suitable replacement partner?"

"Well, it ain't as easy as..."

Brother Love interrupted. "It's been weeks since Cowboy Bill hurt himself..."

Smasher got hot. "Hurt hisself?!? He was jumped by Rhythm and Blues. That no-good turkey neck bum Jimmy Hart hit him in the knee with that megaphone of his and bust his knee."

Brother Love remained undeterred. "Cowboy Bill went to kick poor little Jimmy Hart and caught the megaphone instead. It was his own fault."

"Why you!" Smasher paused, took a deep breath and smiled. Casually he leaned out and brushed some dust from Brother Love's shoulder. "Not ta change the subject or nutthin' but do ya know how they kick a bum outta a saloon in the South side a Milwaukee?" He smiled again. "No, course ya wouldn't. Ya see, they grab the bum by the lapels." He did so to Brother Love. Brother Love looked very afraid. "And den they hoist the bum up!" He went to do so but was hit in the back by a guitar wielded by the Honky Tonk Man. Surprised and staggered, Smasher released Brother Love who gratefully scurried away. Smasher turned around, only to come face to face with the other half of Rhythm and Blues, Greg 'the Hammer' Valentine. Greg Valentine hit Smasher atop his head with an elbow strike, staggering him further as well as breaking his pretzel rod. He spun around and was punched by the Honky Tonk Man. The impact from that spun him back to Greg Valentine who also took the opportunity to hit him. Smasher finally fell. Rhythm and Blues began kicking him mercilessly while Jimmy Hart screeched encouragement to them through his megaphone. The crowd booed this activity.

Their boos turned suddenly to cheers as a figure stormed down the aisle towards the interview area. He was a small fireplug of a man with a mighty, mighty beard. He wore jeans and a Harley-Davidson t-shirt. Jake 'the Milkman' Milliman pushed past Jimmy Hart, spun the Honky Tonk Man around and started punching him, much to the delight of the crowd. This activity distracted Greg Valentine to the point that he stopped kicking Smasher. Once Honky Tonk was sufficiently staggered, Jake swung at Greg. Greg ducked and swung back at Jake who also ducked.

This brief rest provided Smasher with an opportunity to regain his feet. He stood, grabbed Greg Valentine, spun him around and hit him with the bolo punch. Greg bounced to the floor and scrambled to his feet, clutching his jaw. Since neither Brother Love nor Jimmy Hart were likely to help fight back, the odds were now even. This was not in their plans. Rhythm and Blues, along with Jimmy Hart and Brother Love beat a hasty retreat.

Now there was only Smasher and Jake Milliman. Smasher looked at Jake. Jake stood there with his hands on his hips, puffing slightly from running down the aisle. The crowd cheered at them. Smasher looked to the crowd and had an idea. He scooped up the microphone that Brother Love had left behind. "I owe them two bums a beating but I need a tag partner to do it in the ring. Whadya say?" Smasher extended his hand. The crowd cheered wildly. Jake grinned and accepted the handshake.

"Those two bums and all de udder bums in the World Wrestling Federation better look out cause I gots me a new tag partner and we're gonna smash it up!"

For their part, the crowd continued to go wild.

(I don't think I've posted this here before. If so, I should have saved it for today.)