Re-Story : Tales from the City 1 (of 2)

Your shoes make noise as you walk down the linoleum covered hallway. This rather defeats the concept of wearing sneakers. Sneakers should provide you with the ability to sneak and therefore should remain silent. Since the temperature outside is well below freezing it appears that your shoes have frozen up to noise generating levels. Luckily you are not trying to sneak up on anyone so this is not a significant problem.

The hallway with its many doors opens up into a large open room, the sort of place that could be an activity room in a group room or a cafeteria in a school. There a few scattered tables and chairs, a battered couch facing a full entertainment centre in the corner and a number of bookshelves. Light streams into the area through the windows giving the room a gentle warmth that is particularly welcome after the cold of the outdoors. Your shoes echo louder in the larger room. There is a man on the far side of the room. You head towards him.

As you grow nearer to him, you notice a number of things about this man. One is that he seems very unaware of your presence. Another is the fact that he is dancing with more energy than ability. The third is that he is singing, tunelessly. “Cigareetes and whiskey and wild, wild women! They drive ya crazy, they drive you insane.” He is still unaware of your presence likely due to the earphones in his ears. While unwilling to frighten him, he is the individual you came to see. Politely you tap him on the shoulder.

He jumps visibly and his eyes widen in surprise. Once he sees you, he relaxes and smiles. The earphones are roughly removed from his ears and the small player they are attached to is shut off. “Ah, there you are. I was wondering where you were. Is anyone with you?” You shake your head no. His expression drops slightly. “What a pity. It’s been a bit lonely here of late. Still, you’re here and that’s what’s important. Are you here for a story?” To this you nod. “Excellent! Excellent, excellent, excellent.” He continues to mutter “Excellent” evidently using the moment to think. “Perhaps the story of the Case of the Red Bellied Brainiac? Or better yet the Clones of Napoleon. The Time Emily Kissed a Frog?” Politely you inform him that you don’t have much time at the moment. You mostly stopped by to say hello and only have time for a short story at best. He is obviously disappointed. “Oh well, if that’s the case, then that’s the case. I guess I’ll have to save Hell Comes to Irish Fest for another day then.” He taps his chin for a moment and then brightens. “I have the very thing. Just relax for a moment and listen to this…”


“I’m bored,” Douglas noted aloud. “I was thinking that perhaps you should kill me.”

This statement made Carmen’s eyebrows rise in surprise. It did not affect her pace in any way and they continued to walk. “I beg your pardon?” Douglas repeated his statement. “I must admit that I fail to see how that would eliminate your boredom.”

“Well, I was thinking that I could come back from the dead and then figure out how you killed me.”

“So I should surprise you?”

“Certainly. It wouldn’t be interesting otherwise.”

“I see. How were you planning to come back from the dead?”

“Ah. I hadn’t figured that part out yet.”

“It would see to be an important part of your plan to have worked out in advance.”

“This is true.”

“Primarily because death holds the possibility for greater boredom than what you’re currently experiencing.”

“And it wouldn’t be any fun unless I knew I was coming back. It would definitely defeat the purpose of the plan if I couldn’t come back.”

A mighty rush of wind from just above their heads attracted their attention. The gust settled in front of them and formed the shape of a moderately overweight middle-aged man. He faced them and laughed. “Ah! Douglas, my arch-enemy!”

“I have an arch-enemy?” Douglas questioned. “I’m touched.” He pretended to wipe a tear from his eye.

“Laugh all you want fool for this is the day that I, Captain Trouble, will finally be rid of you!”

Douglas looked at Carmen. Carmen looked at Douglas. Both raised an eyebrow to the other. They returned their attention to Captain Trouble. Douglas coughed gently. “Oh really?”

“Yes! Really!” He smirked confidently and removed a small rock from his pocket. “Look upon my power and weep! For now I am augmented by the energy of the Titan Gem!”

“You have a rock from the moon of Saturn?” Carmen questioned. “That is interesting and neat. Cool even.”

Captain Trouble smiled. “Thank you. It wasn’t easy to get and it’s nice of you to appreciate the effort, especially since I’m planning to dispose of you both!”

“Whenever did you get it?” she asked.

The Captain returned to smirking. “Oh, I’m afraid I couldn’t disclose information like that, even considering you won’t be another much longer to put the information to good use.”

Douglas frowned. “You got it from the Mystic Duke, didn’t you?”

Captain Trouble shook like a bowl of jelly in surprise. “How did you know?” he blurted.

“Just a hunch. Mostly the way the rock is glittering.”

“What do you mean? It’s supposed to glitter.”

“Oh, I see it too,” Carmen noted.

“See? See what?”

“It’s the wrong colour of glisten. It should be a silvery colour and it has a golden tint to it. The Mystic Duke has been selling a bunch of those rocks of late.”

“He what?”

Carmen nodded in agreement. “That’s not a Titan Gem. It doesn’t even have any power. The only way you can use that as a weapon would be to throw it at someone. In fact, I recommend throwing it at the Duke for ripping you off.”

“That fink! I’ll do just that.” He gave them both a stern look. “I’ll be back to deal with you lot later.” Captain Trouble flew away angry.

Douglas and Carmen watched him go. “Somehow I knew he’d never tested it after buying it,” Carmen noted.

Douglas nodded. “I like the idea you gave him to throw it. Those things are highly volatile.” As if to prove his point, there was an explosion in the distance and the faint sound of a mild vulgarity breezed by. “I’m so glad he’s not clever.” His face brightened suddenly. “Oh, I know, let’s get soft pretzels!”

“Sounds good to me.”

And they walked off to find soft pretzels.


You get up from the chair and his face drops. “Must you leave so soon?” Once again you nod. “So be it. But take the lesson from my story with you when you go: Better a rock in the hand than a rock in the head.” You shake your head and groan slightly as you turn to walk away. He tries again as you head for the hallway. “He who hesitates is a putz? If you name yourself Trouble, you’re just asking for it? Honest, most of the other stories are better!” His voice fades, thankfully, into the distance as you exit the building and reenter the cold. Perhaps you’ll come back for another story another day.

Or perhaps not.