'Ah Luv Yew!'

"Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh lllllllluuuuuuuuvvvvvvv yyyyyyeeeeeeeeeewwwwww!" announced the pudgy man to the crowd. Despite this declaration, the crowd did not respond in kind. Indeed, their reaction was almost the exact opposite as they vigorously booed the pudgy man with the bright white suit. He did not seem to notice that their reaction wasn't particularly friendly or perhaps he was just actively ignoring them. He beamed a wide smile at them with his round face that was heavily coated with red makeup. The makeup matched the red colour of his shirt. It was a very red shirt. This meant that his face glowed in a rather unhealthy looking sort of way. He just smiled and listened to the gentle sound of a church organ as it played, doing his best to pick that sound out from the sea of boos.

"Friends," he continued in a heavy Southern drawl that I'll no longer attempt to duplicate, "I love you. I have a great deal of love for all the creatures in this world. So I love to help any creatures who may be having a tough time. I have for you today a man who has lost his way in the world. Perhaps more importantly he has lost his way here in the World Wrestling Federation." His face curled into an expression of disdain. "My guest tonight is the man known as Smasher."

The crowd's boos instantly turned to cheers at the mere sound of their hero's name. The cheers grew louder as his music started to play and peaked when he emerged from behind the curtain at the rear of the little interview stage. Smasher wasn't the biggest of men nor was he the tallest but he had a presence that was undeniable. He wore a dark coloured t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. His face was obscured by a black mask with a red lightning bolt style pattern. A pretzel rod was clamped between his teeth like a cigar. Even with the pretzel where it was, he managed to grin at the crowd. He also decided to wave, an action they seemed to appreciate. Causally he made his way to the pudgy man, who looked quite displeased with Smasher in general. Smasher seemed unconcerned with this facial expression. "How's it goin' there Brudder Love?" When he spoke he did so with a low rumble. It was the sound of a voice that had been through a lot in its time.

"Let's not worry about that, what I wanna know is..."

Smasher gave him a look and removed the pretzel rod from his mouth. "Hey! I asked you a question like a gentleman here. How's it goin'?"

Brother Love gulped visibly. "I'm, I'm well."

"Glad to hear it." He returned the pretzel to his mouth.

"Now that that is settled, the reason I asked you here is..."

"Ain't you goin' ask me how I'm doin'? That would only be polite." Once again the pretzel left his mouth. He smiled cooly at Brother Love. "After all, you wouldn't want me to ferget me manners now, would ya?"

Brother Love quivered not unlike some sort of gelatin type dessert. "How have you been?"

Smasher smiled widely. "Sue-per-ba," he responded grandly. The crowd cheered in appreciation.

Brother Love tried to resume control. "Now that the pleasantries have been taken care of?" Smasher nodded slightly. "The reason I asked you here is to discuss why you've become such a coward!"

Smasher turned calmly, rolling the pretzel around in his mouth while he considered this. "Excuse me?" He laughed gently. "I know I ain't getting any younger here and my hearing may not be what it used to be, but I coulda sworn you called me a coward there."

"I did!" He did his best to remain defiant. "You've been ducking the challenge of Rhythm and Blues for weeks now. They have been out here over and over again challenging you and you refuse to accept. You sir are a coward!" Brother Love became so worked up that he forgot himself. He ended this declaration in Smasher's face, accidentally spitting on him.

Calmly Smasher wiped the spittle from his mask and face. "You seem to have fergotten that my tag team partner Cowboy Bill Watson has been injured and that dey will not let me rassle a tag team by meself." He smiled patiently and spoke calmly, as if to a child. "Did ya perhaps ferget that?"

"I have forgotten nothing! With all the friends you claim to have here in the World Wrestling Federation you can't find a suitable replacement partner?"

"Well, it ain't as easy as..."

Brother Love interrupted. "It's been weeks since Cowboy Bill hurt himself..."

Smasher got hot. "Hurt hisself?!? He was jumped by Rhythm and Blues. That no-good turkey neck bum Jimmy Hart hit him in the knee with that megaphone of his and bust his knee."

Brother Love remained undeterred. "Cowboy Bill went to kick poor little Jimmy Hart and caught the megaphone instead. It was his own fault."

"Why you!" Smasher paused, took a deep breath and smiled. Casually he leaned out and brushed some dust from Brother Love's shoulder. "Not ta change the subject or nutthin' but do ya know how they kick a bum outta a saloon in the South side a Milwaukee?" He smiled again. "No, course ya wouldn't. Ya see, they grab the bum by the lapels." He did so to Brother Love. Brother Love looked very afraid. "And den they hoist the bum up!" He went to do so but was hit in the back by a guitar wielded by the Honky Tonk Man. Surprised and staggered, Smasher released Brother Love who gratefully scurried away. Smasher turned around, only to come face to face with the other half of Rhythm and Blues, Greg 'the Hammer' Valentine. Greg Valentine hit Smasher atop his head with an elbow strike, staggering him further as well as breaking his pretzel rod. He spun around and was punched by the Honky Tonk Man. The impact from that spun him back to Greg Valentine who also took the opportunity to hit him. Smasher finally fell. Rhythm and Blues began kicking him mercilessly while Jimmy Hart screeched encouragement to them through his megaphone. The crowd booed this activity.

Their boos turned suddenly to cheers as a figure stormed down the aisle towards the interview area. He was a small fireplug of a man with a mighty, mighty beard. He wore jeans and a Harley-Davidson t-shirt. Jake 'the Milkman' Milliman pushed past Jimmy Hart, spun the Honky Tonk Man around and started punching him, much to the delight of the crowd. This activity distracted Greg Valentine to the point that he stopped kicking Smasher. Once Honky Tonk was sufficiently staggered, Jake swung at Greg. Greg ducked and swung back at Jake who also ducked.

This brief rest provided Smasher with an opportunity to regain his feet. He stood, grabbed Greg Valentine, spun him around and hit him with the bolo punch. Greg bounced to the floor and scrambled to his feet, clutching his jaw. Since neither Brother Love nor Jimmy Hart were likely to help fight back, the odds were now even. This was not in their plans. Rhythm and Blues, along with Jimmy Hart and Brother Love beat a hasty retreat.

Now there was only Smasher and Jake Milliman. Smasher looked at Jake. Jake stood there with his hands on his hips, puffing slightly from running down the aisle. The crowd cheered at them. Smasher looked to the crowd and had an idea. He scooped up the microphone that Brother Love had left behind. "I owe them two bums a beating but I need a tag partner to do it in the ring. Whadya say?" Smasher extended his hand. The crowd cheered wildly. Jake grinned and accepted the handshake.

"Those two bums and all de udder bums in the World Wrestling Federation better look out cause I gots me a new tag partner and we're gonna smash it up!"

For their part, the crowd continued to go wild.

(I don't think I've posted this here before. If so, I should have saved it for today.)

Not quite a review, more of a brief discussion

I watched 'Color Me Blood Red' again last night and was struck by how close it is to being an underrated almost classic. In the event you're not familiar with the film, it's the third in a cycle of films known as the 'Blood Trilogy'. These low budget films made in the early 1960s by H.G. Lewis are considered to be the first horror films to feature prominent gore. In a number of ways, they recreate the earlier horror styles and prepare them for the slasher films of the 1970s and 1980s. Normally when I watch the films, I watch them in order of their release in the Trilogy, despite the fact that the stories aren't connected in any way. 'Color Me Blood Red' usually comes across as extra poor as the middle film of the Trilogy, '2000 Maniacs', is my favorite. After watching everything come together well for the middle movie, it's disappointing to see how the final film doesn't improve on that.

Watching them out of order, it was easier to see what 'Blood Red' does well. It's the story of frustrated painter Adam Sorg, who discovers that the color of blood is the red he's looking for his art (I know that scientifically that makes no sense and there's a lot of that in the movie, but it's a movie and we're just letting that go, okay?). The basic 'art through death' plot was nothing new at the time either (see 'House of Wax' and 'A Bucket of Blood' so the entertainment comes primarily from the gore effects and watching Adam Sorg's torment grow. He transforms from obnoxious artist to tormented, increasingly crazed killer as we watch but never reaches a truly mad for the sake of being mad character. He explains his twisted, justifying logic near the end of the film and his desire to not sell this line of art shows that, on some level, he knows there's something wrong with what he's doing. There's also signs that he has to 'talk' himself into these things. This makes for an interesting character and it's performed well.

Him being interesting is vital as his character is almost constantly on-screen for the first half-hour or so of the movie. I found that it flies by. Oddly enough, despite some other interesting characters, the movie starts to drag without Adam on-screen. Even with some fun dialogue and (surprising in retrospect but wouldn't have been at the time) chastity, things start to get old until we begin the end sequence. Nothing gets horrible in that twenty minutes or so and it's only about 80 minutes long in total but the stretch without Adam drags.

The ending has a character totally acting in character and some nice moments of dark humor. I enjoyed it more than I expected last night and yet remember why I don't like it as much as I should. '2000 Maniacs' is almost a really good movie if it's not and 'Blood Feast', the first movie in the cycle, is so horrible it's fun. 'Color Me Blood Red' is never really horrible so it doesn't get that quality to it. It sits as an oddity in the process, almost half a step incomplete. Still worth watching but not quite there.

A Few Thoughts on Comics from This Week

Light week this week.

Thor #600 is the big book for this week, literally and figuratively. Loki's machinations pay off in big ways causing a change to the status quo. The issue also features a short story written by Stan Lee, the good-natured parody of Chris Giarrusso, and some reprints of 60's Tales of Asgard stories. A few good 'wow' moments. I enjoyed it a lot.

Marvel TV: Galactus - The Real Story was fun. Not outrageously silly fun like I think they hoped, but fun. An interesting look at how people in the Marvel Universe might see the events around them.

Amazing Spider-Girl #29 - It's a pity this book ends with the next issue because it's always been entertaining to me. The character is scheduled to continue in the Spider-Man Family book and that's better than nothing. This is a busy issue, starting to pay off story-lines that have been building for years in some cases. Some exciting moments and a lot of me wondering how they're going to get themselves out of this corner. Good stuff.

The 3 Geeks - Slab Madness #2 - I don't often laugh out loud when I'm by myself but this made me chuckle a few times, so that's an excellent sign. I have a lot of love for Rich Koslowski's work. The fact that's he's been a nice guy the couple times we've met hasn't hurt any either. Go Rich!

The few other items from this week were enjoyable, apart from Eternals #8 which I found tedious. Some of it is the change in artist not sitting well with me and the rest was the X-Men's guest appearance. I'm pretty full as regards X-Men and this crossover felt like all the horrible 90's X-Men appearances I read in my younger days. Not a fond look back.

Went to the Museum again today

And why not? Made for a busy day. Took one of my friends along who hasn't been before with me and he soon discovered that adding me to your trip to the Museum tends to make it very different indeed. Tried to look at some things from different angles, learn a thing or two, and, as always, have fun doing so. Didn't quite finish everything and would have stayed longer but they were closing. We spent about three and a half hours going through it without seeing an IMAX movie or going through the Titanic exhibit. Good stuff.

Food and Froth (mostly a beer tasting in the Museum) is next Saturday. Am VERY excited about this night. Upon requesting access to the Museum today in Member Services, the young lady behind the counter looked at me. 'You ordered tickets for Food and Froth, didn't you?' After I agreed, she noted that they were getting ready to mail them and would I like mine now? Certainly save on the postage, I offered. She sheepishly reported that she'd handwritten the envelope for my ticket and the name had stuck in her head. I thought that was awesome.

I took myself to the Museum today

I was wandering around the third floor, taking notes for a game that might be worth playing or might not. I headed over to the Africa wing to check on the location of a couple items and look in on the Decapitated Director Dummy in Morocco when... something moved. I was just stepping into the courtyard when something clearly moved in the exhibit. I gasped slightly and my hand lept to my chest in surprise.

Then I heard a giggle. A guard sat by one of the doors to the 'building'. It was open and was clearly an access point into the exhibit window. I could now see that a couple of museum workers were in the exhibit. The guard smiled and said hi.

I muttered something about that being different, glanced at the dummy, and stepped away, heart pumping like mad.

I should have known better; I'd seen someone vacuuming an animal in the Rain Forest exhibit a half-hour before. That was weird too.

Scientific 'Creepy Jesus' count for the European Village = 34. It seems like there should be more than that but they did take the Christmas decorations down so maybe there were more the last times I went.

There was more

I remember what else I was going to mention today. IDW will be reprinting all of 'Bloom County' in five hardcover collections. Can't wait!

Some things I just shook out of my head

While I like the grindhouse type commercials for 'Dollhouse', upcoming on FOX, I don't know that they'll attract that much attention. I'm not sure there's a big interest brewed up for the show. It's a Joss Whedon thing so I'm probably wrong about that. Or they'll air five episodes out of order, it'll get cancelled, be released as a complete series on DVD, loads of people will complain about how dumb FOX is, and then they'll make a movie continuing the story. One of the two.

The move to HD has made cartoons look nicer. Even without an HD TV (as I am), the Simpsons and King of the Hill have started looking very crisp and clean. Gotta love those new cameras.

I've done some business in the past with a store called 'Computer Geeks' but I think I'm done with them. Had a problem with a recent order and got no response from them at all via the web forms on their website or emailing them. I could have called the help number as well but, come on, they're supposed to be Computer Geeks. If they can't work email, how useless can they be? Thumbs down.

Thought there was more. Bother, must have vacuumed it up after I shook it out of my head. I might have needed that...

Sven meets the Doctor

So I'm watching Svengoolie this afternoon (while it's not important to the rest of the story, the movie was 'Abbott and Costello meet the Mummy') and one of his sponsors sent him a bunch of the new Doctor Who toys to play with on screen! The episode was from 2006 so 'new' is relative but still applies. He talked a bit about the show in general, showed off the toys, pronounced 'Dalek' correctly ('Daa-lek', a long 'a' sound, a lot of Americans tend to not drag it out properly), and then pressed the sound activation button on the Dalek a few times to let it speak.

To prove he'd met the Doctor, he then displayed a picture of himself with Jon Pertwee (from the early 1990's I suspect)!

What fun! Go Rich Koz, I mean, Svengooglie!